Parenting can be a wonderful experience for any adult, but it can also be difficult as you face numerous challenges in raising your child to become a successful, independent individual. For parents who have a disability, this adds special challenges for the parent to do the simple things that many parents take for granted. But having a disability doesn’t make someone any less capable of being a good parent — far from it.
A Growing Community
Based on a recent survey, researchers estimate that approximately more than 4 million parents in the United States have a disability, a number that appears to be increasing each year. Yet, parents with disabilities still face personal and societal challenges, so the need for their protection, accessibility, and equitability is more important now than ever.
Despite the bias and stigma that exists, parents with disabilities welcome a strong and support system as well as equitable access to accommodations and services to be successful parents. With such a growing community, it is clear that no one has to be alone in their parenting journey and that a thriving community of people with similar concerns and goals is much closer than you think.
The Joys & Frustrations of Parenting with a Disability
Though I have been a parent for more than ten years now, I am no expert and always learning something new. As a hard-of-hearing parent with a middle schooler who is now embarking on a whole new set of learning experiences in his life, I have encountered my share of joys and frustrations as a parent over the years.
Before I received my Cochlear Implants and when my son was a toddler, I wore one hearing aid without the ability to hear in the other ear. I often had to pay close attention to my son when he spoke to decipher his words that were a mix of coherent and incoherent babbling. I relied primarily on visual and sound cues to interpret what my son was saying. As he’s gotten older, I still have to remind him of the importance of facing me when speaking so I can rely on lip reading and facial cues to understand him. Despite these communication challenges, I still savor the memorable moments that remind me of why I am a parent.
Natasha M. of Arizona, a Managing Director of MRM Education, has been a parent just over four years now. Diagnosed with autism and ADHD in her late 30s, Natasha has found a mix of surprises and self-discovery while celebrating curiosity and differences in order to connect with her energetic toddler. Natasha says,
“Parenting as a neurodivergent mom has taught me that love, patience, and adaptability matter far more than perfection.”
Know Your Limitations
As a person with disabilities, you already know many of your limitations and likely have found approaches that help you to be successful in everyday life. But when you are a parent and responsible for the care and wellbeing of a young individual and helping them to learn and grow, you may need to re-assess your limitations and find additional or new approaches to be successful with your parenting.
Get Creative
Adaptive parenting techniques are excellent strategies that you can implement to make your parenting life easier. Some of these may include:
Alternative methods for parent-child play
Using assistive technologies to communicate and learn
Accessible household appliances and furniture
Horizontal parenting is one example of adaptive parenting. This is a method of parenting where you enable yourself to play with your children while lying down.
As a parent with a disability, M. Cassidy of New York often tires easily when playing with an active seven-year-old, who has cerebral palsy. So, Cassidy has resorted to creative measures to play while reclining, otherwise known as horizontal parenting, which has emerged recently as a popular method of adaptive parenting. Author, Michelle Woo, even published a book with 50 ideas devoted to this idea of entertaining your children while lying down. This is an especially useful method for parents with disabilities who want to spend quality time with their children while also ensuring they can be the best parent they can be.
Legal Rights
Sometimes a parent is treated unfairly because of their disability, facing unnecessary bias and rejection. However, there are legal rights and protections afforded to parents with disabilities, such as state and local laws that are in place for this very reason, to help protect you from such discrimination.
In 1927, a Supreme Court decision ruled that persons with disabilities did not have fundamental decisions regarding a family life. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) helped to correct and improve many of the inequities that affected persons with disabilities for many years. However, children can be and are removed from their homes based on a parent’s disability while, astonishingly, 35 states still use disability as grounds to terminate parental rights.
Finding your Support
Don’t be afraid to seek out others in your local community. There are parents with disabilities just like you out there that you can connect with and potentially create an excellent support system for you and your parenting needs. You can even start your own support group that includes in-person and/or virtual meet ups. Social media is one great way to find others in your local community. For example, Sooner Success has a Facebook page, Supporting Oklahoma Parents with Disabilities, where community members can find support and read about organizations that are available to help parents with disabilities.
Non-profit organizations are another valuable resource, such as Through the Looking Glass, which provides home-based services for families and connections with parenting support groups and networking. They also provide information on related books and legal resources.
The National Council on Disability provides a Disabled Parenting Toolkit that may be useful to you. This toolkit offers information on disability laws that protect you and your family’s rights and includes relevant topics on adoption, custody, and the child welfare system. In addition, there are stories from parents who share their experiences of mistreatment due to their disability.
Additional Resources
Achieva — offers parenting support and assistance for independent living skills
Adaptive Parent Project — provides education and information to empower parents with all types of disabilities
The Disabled Parenting Project — a directory resource to find businesses and services, connect with others in your community, to and buy, sell, or trade adaptive parenting equipment
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Additional Information
The content provided in this article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for legal, medical, or other professional advice. While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date resources, some information may become outdated or incomplete. Always consult with your provider about personal medical concerns.
